Q: I come back only do!

Once upon a standard four, Pika told me that I was "always being protected by my friends." That wasn't meant to be a compliment, because shortly after, she questioned whether I felt any shame for using them. The statement took a stab to the heart. I didn’t know her well enough back then and all I could do was to remain silent. Her bluntness caught me off guard as usual, and I wasn’t about to let it slide.

“I know,” managing to murmur in my defense. “ It’s not like I wanted to be protected to begin with,” I was frowning at her inconsideration. I can’t. Not someone like me. What was a budak kecik to know in this big world?

She sighed. “If you want to protect, then learn how to do it lah.” 

Pika was right. Hari ini dalam sejarah, I never thought about these things. I was a child, with no fear of the unknown, never quite learning to appreciate others and only relish in the present gifts. Slowly, but surely I solidified my priorities. As years added up, I was at war with my own principles. School life can be brutal, but it teaches one a tremendous amount of life lessons.  

“Why are you being so unreasonable?!” I caught myself yelling at AJ. There was much perspiration, much anger. I don’t remember what triggered it, but I tasted disappointment for awhile; leaving the aftertaste of pain and sadness.  Strangely, this made me feel like I was a living being, at the thought of it, I was relieved and I knew I am heading to the right place. 

That I’m here.
Vonnie S.

Q: Choco Mama was here!

Used 15 minutes and www.ragemaker.net/ to make this.


You poor horny souls,
Vonnie S.

Q: For you baby girl, I'd change religion.

Dear Clarisse,

Today I nearly ran over the bastard. By "nearly", I'm emphasizing the intention that it was on purpose. Yes, what's worse, I flipped the bird at him. A hand gesture that should I have pushed it towards my mouth, in my culture, signifies "to eat". But right then, it was help straight facing the slit-eyed douche. I wasn't the least bit sorry about it. Perhaps Lord Vishnu might care to forgive me given the circumstances. I couldn't walk away...

"It wasn't you, it's me," she said two years ago by the lake you ensured me would be the perfect spot to pop the question. Guess what, I never liked lakes ever since, I hated them even more after cousin Lakshmi thought it was funny to release my ten-year-old pet tortoise into Lake Titiwangsa. "Freedom" my ass. I bet she wouldn't have said the same should I free her Macaw.

When you girls universally think guys are going to forget because of that reason, you're wrong. There are times I persevered for it ached greatly just at the whisper of her name, I wondered whether I've moved on. Honestly,  just say "it's you"; if the reason had been because I wasn't mature enough, rich, strong, or bad as she would have wanted me to be I'd stay content. Tried to act like I don't care, and eventually I lost it that night when she appeared at my doorstep, teary eyed from a fight with Joshua.

Took a lot in me to forgive and forget. I'm sure I've done you proud for not running him over. Would have cost Joshua his life, and tarnished my good name, yet the exchange seemed fair. If I said Joshua screwed her over, Tanusha screwed mine. And I can't believe this nightmare anymore. I'll end this, Clarisse, I promise. It's going to be her's or mine. And right now, I don't know which it's gonna be.

Please forgive me, my friend.

Ganesh

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Just exercising my thoughts after listening to the radio.

Gentle attempts,
Vonnie S.

Q: The more precious something is, the more easily it is broken.

Despite the passage of time, PeiLi is still what you’d call “fashionably late” when it comes to appointment wise. Not that it’s a disastrously bad thing; it’s one of her lesser profound trait that I’ve grown accustomed to after all these years. Say let’s meet at 10 am and it unknowingly changes to 12.30 noon, which is perfectly okay if she’s not on surgery call. I kid, I really love this girl to death (is the phrase my American buddies use when referring to their roommates); she’s my beloved imouto and I intended it to remain so for many more general elections to come. Plus, it’s always fun to rub it in, “so how many lembus crossed the highway today?”

I always admired PeiLi's attachment to friends. (Bear with me if this doesn't make any sense, sometimes, you just can't put them into words.) It's her nature to be ever forgiving and caring, supportive and persistent at the same time. A type of cling, but the good kind and I am grateful for that. She would always remind me to ask questions, so that "I know you care about me." Plus, we're cool like that; not keeping secrets, and if you care to ask, we'll tell. 

Dr. PeiLi (technically she has yet to earn her title, but it adds to her credibility) said it is fine for her patient to be taking in cold stuff today and off to Snowflakes we went. She would kill me if she knows I’ve written this statement online. Just another reason to get away from the afternoon sun. Did I mention that StephCR was with us too? Pretty girl keeps getting prettier and of course, pretty in pink. Awww… Her phone got lala-fied too. You know, bling-azied or erm, pimped up. Okay, something is off with me today. I’d blame it on the double parking jackass! Some Malaysians never learn do they. Tsk tsk…

Woman leaves me for Potatoland on Friday. But she promised to be back in June, and I am forced to wait on our besties reunion again for awhile. 

Tonight we’ve spent an hour and a half looking for NigelM’s house. I would propose to have the Amazing Race place the clue box at SS25/31 in future races. Heck, even the GPS failed to locate his home road, save the fact that daddy refused to stop and ask for directions. More importantly, the luggage was securely retrieved and NigelM was relieved of his duty. Thank you, man!

It will rain, not!
Vonnie S.

Q: Kalo aku bisa kuat...

I left a note for mum telling her I'll be home by lunch and sneaked out with my Myvi. The car hummed a little, I’d take it that she was purring (like what cats usually do when they are happy). You see, both my parents were out for breakfast early as dad had to rush his delayed project and even I at 8am couldn’t beat their determination.

Good, the tank is full to the brim. I had no intention on finding out where I was heading, just a desire to run the car over the highway. It has been awhile and I missed our rendezvous. We went out till the Karak highway (the most haunted highway in Malaysia –I’m sure you’ve heard plenty about the supernatural here) before making a big turn, supposedly bounding for home. Unknowingly, she brought me to visit an old friend.  Myvi or fondly nicknamed Kuro, is like her owner, winging it 70% at all times and could never tell what’s for sure or not.  Anyway, Kuro pulled into the parking lot and knowing it was going to take awhile, rolled to sleep.

The shade in LP’s eyes remained the same as four years ago, in fact nothing changed with her. Someone must have been around cleaning, because the tombs are neat. But the dried flowers signified she hasn’t had friends over these past weeks. I took my time; climbing up the momentous steps into her world, invading it, before apologizing for neglecting her all these time. LP is forgiving, I know that of her personality, choosing to “nevermind lah, friend mah” rather than pointing out my flaws. That is what mothers are for, she added.

There was a plastic stool right in the corner and I gingerly sat next to her, trying to gain perspective of her view. Bushes and greens, the scorching heat; I must say I’ve covered them all within five minutes. But for LP, it’s been seven years, so who was I to complain about it? 

“Hey LP, it snows heavily in Kalamazoo. Can you imagine this whole place turning white?”

In reality, she had long left this place. Died young in a brutal car accident. But in my eyes, she stood there in her flowery dress, hands clasped together in excitement saying, “I guess you better start singing then.” I would have smacked her on the shoulder for that, but I gave in.

Lay her down on a bed of roses,
Vonnie S.

Q: Teacher, why your thigh so big?

I woke up to two familiar voices; LaiPeng's and her mother's, talking excitedly about LaiMun's adventures in Sabah and a recent Taiwan trip. They paid a visit to the house, bringing souvenirs and good news of my best friend's return to the peninsular within a week's time or two. To that I am thankful, this Chinese New Year would probably be the best in awhile, and it is not just about the angpau's. Safe to say, aneki is now a real "big lady boss" running a music center on her own, her experiences showed her so much, yet things remained humble and grounded -- I still love her enthusiasm, her kindness and personality as a whole. Auntie and my mother were chatting along as though they "have not met in 50 years" as dad quoted saying.

Things didn't change much, but there are always certainly some occurring without my knowledge. And if they actually did, not everything is for the better.

The Good: Breakfast with my parents is going to be an everyday affair; mother insisted to have a decent family time since our (Sean's and my) disappearance in 2011. I gave her my okay, not promising much but will do my best for her.

The Bad: My favorite local sundry shop, Bintang was bought over by Giant. Monopoly at play and I am not at all pleased about this, it just means I have to seek out other choices. Nothing against Giant, I still buy stuffs from them, but I find Bintang comforting in a weird way. No kidding.

Mummy slept a long nap today. She caught dad and I taking one this evening, chided at our laziness and predictably conformed. As I took the liberty to wake her for dinner, she batted her eyes, almost in disbelief at what was happening. For the record, it is usually the other way around. Explanation for the long nap followed, "Fat mong America hou dong. I was in bed and it was very comfortable." 

Banana leaf,
Vonnie S.

E: Happy New Year 2012!

Ahh...the humidity. Malaysia never fails to deliver; even after one and a half years later, my motherland welcomed me with her best intentions -- to remind me, with a warm embrace, of the heat and a promise of feasts that entices the weary traveler.

I could hardly contain the excitement, chanting incessantly "ulam-ulam" at the presence of a fellow Malaysian, pakcik (the taxi driver we hired at KLIA). He let out a hearty laugh, consoling daddy that it was biasalah, "kan bukti anak Malaysia lah tu!"

"Pakcik, makanan kat US kebanyakannya keju melambak, sedap pun tak sampai mane."

Daddy went on to add, "mahal lagi! Kena tip."

But he didn't realized was that it quickly became a habit -- my parent's two weeks stay at the US taught them to spare some change for good services. And daddy was in a pleasant mood, complying to do just that -- RM10 for pakcik at the gates of my permanent home. "Kasi minum kopi." Then again, pakcik deserved it.

At the sight of the semi-detached house, I took a moment to observe its still standing structure, though the paint of its walls is cracked and moldy. There in the corner, is my black Myvi, the trusty steed that I used to take out on spins; I unconsciously hugged it by the back door, much to daddy's amusement and mummy's dismay (the car was dirty). The orchids and cactus plants are still very much alive and well, just a little dry and browning at places. Surely, the house gained slightly intimidating, with shards of glass lining the brick fence. Should there be a story soon to be told by mummy, we'll know soon, only time will tell.

Hibernation time!
Vonnie S.