Sometime into my dream yesterday night took me down the vista of years till I see a younger me, clinging onto my eldest aunt walking along the streets of Old Seremban. Like a baby koala, whose mom and dad were honeymooning Down-Under, it must have felt awful being misplaced. However, that’s the idea of a honeymoon; three people don’t fit nicely together in that term box. They had to find someone to house the fledgling for eleven days. “No fear”, yi ma gleefully exclaimed, “she’ll be as healthy as a young bamboo shoot when you love-birds return.” I was expectedly flabbergasted, and so I cried like a busted water hydrant for a day. It finally stopped after late Grandma Ah Nin made me a grasshopper out of some lalang grass.
Part of that memory constitutes an even bigger picture, which served to build my philosophy of life. What descended upon this six-year-old was the cruelty of reality, of learned helplessness and of appreciation. I have probably not told anyone about this; primarily because this happened a long time ago (in which memory is all but coherent) and also it seemed insignificant to many.
I digress. Holding onto the grasshopper, I walked hand in hand with my aunt along the streets of Old Seremban. (We covered that part already.) I recalled the line of buses at the station, commuters shouting for tickets, and the counter person’s indifference to their worries of not being able to board a seat in the bus. SO much noise fascinates an innocent mind, yet we continued towards Terminal 1 for some shopping experience. As my height allows me to have ample servings of knee views, it was easy to spot a 20 cent coin on the floor. Unbeknownst to my aunt, I had it swiftly in my hands as we entered the tattered building.
While she looked at clothes, I remained mesmerized, looking at the variety of colors and mannequins, like a deer entering a city (technically, this ain’t a city, and I ain’t a deer, but you get the drift). Holy Barney! There’s one pillow with loads of Barney snippets sprawling across it. I was ecstatic and my brains were spurting out. And omg behind it was one with many fishes on them. Somehow in between those discoveries, I lost sight of my aunt. As frantic as I ought to have reacted, I curiously walked out of the store into the main space only to have felt even more panicky than I had felt before. I wasn’t crying, that’s for sure.
In one corner, there was this boy. Yes, he was alone. Probably a little older than I was, but that didn’t matter because right in the back of my mind I told myself that perhaps he was lost too. Then I would have a friend and we could go find our guardians together. He sat there, that boy in his worn-out track pants and slippers (I got so used to staring waist down first), clad also in his grey Power Rangers t-shirt. It didn’t matter to him at all that he smelt funny or his hair was messy, for he kept eyes on passer-bys while persistently jiggling the paper cup in his hands. Before I know it, I was next to him. Seeing the cup filled with coins, prompted me to give mine away. And so I did and the boy stared at me with a look that splits between syukur and surprise, nevertheless he smiled. He then pointed to my right across my shoulders and I turned in reflex to see a worked up aunt storming towards our direction. Yi ma grabbed hold of my hands and yanked me away from the boy. “Don’t talk to strangers,” she said, “…dangerous” and under her breath I heard words like “dirty” and “beggar”. Beggar? What’s that? But it never did escape my mouth. Now, this memory wouldn’t leave my conscious either.
Blah,
Vonnie S.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Q: Ephemeral is in essence "fleeting" or "brief".
Today, my aim was to cover three week’s of GRE Prep works and I marginally met my goals at 9.45pm. As predicted, the remaining time is scarce and I am left to worry about potentially not doing well for the exam. To be a procrastinator is to either be a blithe fool, or don’t be one at all, otherwise you’d stress yourself silly. I wish I can stop being a worrywart; but with $160 and my future on the line, one cannot not give a fig about this hurdle. Thus I persistently study while people around me have endless time playing, basking in the glorious sun outside. On top of that, I have these people hounding at my collar, trying to drag me along with their fun and games. The yanking, hardly persuasive and (truth to be told) was having me tested on the verge of annoyance.
Yet, I caved in. In my mind, I’d say “just this once, our friend won’t be here for long.” So we went to the Art Fair together at Downtown Kalamazoo. It wasn’t too bad, considering the friendly folks we bumped into and yes, KatherynD. was there too, shopping around for books costing a dime each. The exciting part of this trip was forgotten somewhere along the lines of a white lie and that of everything else back in the apartment. The sun was merciless though, and must I mention that Vewen’s mango smoothie could make any complete healthy being turn diabetic overnight. The rest continued to Crossroads. I came home empty handed and sweaty from the heat. Cold running water never felt more heavenly than before.
After studying, ShetaT and I decided to create our very own North Pole. The heat was unbearable, and we soon had to drag out the portable air-con into the living room. That baby worked wonders, despite the wacky internet connection. Stupid Charter. Oh, X-Men was awesome! I know that for a fact because instead of staying home, I was dragged to Rave to watch it. See what I mean, people can’t lay their hands off me. Did I mention that even as I return home at 1 am, I was still strongly encouraged to follow along to South Haven tomorrow morning? Not this time. I had to decline although I hate seeing that disappointing look on her face. And now at friggin 3 am, my neighbors are letting out fireworks. FML.
Restive night,
Vonnie S.
Yet, I caved in. In my mind, I’d say “just this once, our friend won’t be here for long.” So we went to the Art Fair together at Downtown Kalamazoo. It wasn’t too bad, considering the friendly folks we bumped into and yes, KatherynD. was there too, shopping around for books costing a dime each. The exciting part of this trip was forgotten somewhere along the lines of a white lie and that of everything else back in the apartment. The sun was merciless though, and must I mention that Vewen’s mango smoothie could make any complete healthy being turn diabetic overnight. The rest continued to Crossroads. I came home empty handed and sweaty from the heat. Cold running water never felt more heavenly than before.
After studying, ShetaT and I decided to create our very own North Pole. The heat was unbearable, and we soon had to drag out the portable air-con into the living room. That baby worked wonders, despite the wacky internet connection. Stupid Charter. Oh, X-Men was awesome! I know that for a fact because instead of staying home, I was dragged to Rave to watch it. See what I mean, people can’t lay their hands off me. Did I mention that even as I return home at 1 am, I was still strongly encouraged to follow along to South Haven tomorrow morning? Not this time. I had to decline although I hate seeing that disappointing look on her face. And now at friggin 3 am, my neighbors are letting out fireworks. FML.
Restive night,
Vonnie S.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Q: Ark...ark...
That’s why I ought to put discretions somewhere in this blog. Although it was meant to be on a regular daily basis, I still fall thru. What I can tell you is that there’s a whole lot going on right now I could hardly pull a chair down for a sitting. So, as I pathetically dry my hair using the fan in the room while watching How I Met Your Mother on the TV, I’ll be multitasking for a bit. Just for the fish of it.
Thwart the fact that I’m busy, it’s friggin hot over here in summer. I feel like a poor mango sorbet left to melt under the sweltering heat and boy must I spell uncomfortable out so that these bugs would leave me alone!! Frankly speaking, these nights has been rather insomniac, for the air-con is in the living room and my room suddenly changed into an oven.
I’m so sorry for sounding like a total jerk. Can’t help it since I have the reason to, then again not everything is entirely bad. For instance, I told a good friend that I’m doing my practicum at a local autistic center and they put me in charge of an eighteen month old little girl. But our friend could only recall the “practicum” part and had to gasp. “What the heck is that? It sounded dang wrong.” See what I mean when I say guys think using their bawah. Unbelievable.
Suit up,
Vonnie S.
Thwart the fact that I’m busy, it’s friggin hot over here in summer. I feel like a poor mango sorbet left to melt under the sweltering heat and boy must I spell uncomfortable out so that these bugs would leave me alone!! Frankly speaking, these nights has been rather insomniac, for the air-con is in the living room and my room suddenly changed into an oven.
I’m so sorry for sounding like a total jerk. Can’t help it since I have the reason to, then again not everything is entirely bad. For instance, I told a good friend that I’m doing my practicum at a local autistic center and they put me in charge of an eighteen month old little girl. But our friend could only recall the “practicum” part and had to gasp. “What the heck is that? It sounded dang wrong.” See what I mean when I say guys think using their bawah. Unbelievable.
Suit up,
Vonnie S.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Q: Stop right there, Corona!
Poems in your Pocket Day was educationally fun! Serious sheet, Mrs. T introduced it to the class while making a quaint remark in which suggested that we might find this activity “childish” but “enlightening”. I couldn’t help but to join in on this celebration of poetry, because this was going to present me with five extra credit points. No harm done, only slaughtered readings of poetry. I carried around “Life’s Brief Candle” by William Shakespeare (an astounding 31 copies!), despite thinking that I wouldn’t use all of them. Unknowingly so, I traded them off for eighteen copies of poems. To my surprise, I saw my favorite one in the pile – “Because I could not stop for Death –” by Emily Dickinson. That was when SamanthaR. stopped me in my tracks for a copy of my poem to be exchanged with hers.
If I Can Stop One Heart From Breaking
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
- Emily Dickinson
I realized soon after that that there seemed to be a pattern amongst these English majors/minors. Students were nuts about Shel Silverstein. Honestly speaking, I have never heard of him before, but friends informed me that he was considered to be one of the coolest poets around and most of them had surrounded their childhood reading his works.
“Never grew tired of Silverstein. Never!” JoshA. slide a copy of his poem to his right where I comfortably sat unperturbed.
“Teddy said it was a hat, so I put it
on. Now dad is saying, “where the
heck’s the toilet plunger gone?”
- Shel Silverstein
I read “Sick” and “Rain” from two girls later. The dude’s imagination is the real deal! What turn out to be a “childish” day, really lived up to be “enlightening”! Now I’m officially a Silverstein fan!
Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda,
Vonnie S.
If I Can Stop One Heart From Breaking
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
- Emily Dickinson
I realized soon after that that there seemed to be a pattern amongst these English majors/minors. Students were nuts about Shel Silverstein. Honestly speaking, I have never heard of him before, but friends informed me that he was considered to be one of the coolest poets around and most of them had surrounded their childhood reading his works.
“Never grew tired of Silverstein. Never!” JoshA. slide a copy of his poem to his right where I comfortably sat unperturbed.
“Teddy said it was a hat, so I put it
on. Now dad is saying, “where the
heck’s the toilet plunger gone?”
- Shel Silverstein
I read “Sick” and “Rain” from two girls later. The dude’s imagination is the real deal! What turn out to be a “childish” day, really lived up to be “enlightening”! Now I’m officially a Silverstein fan!
Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda,
Vonnie S.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Q: Here's some Milk Duds from Apples to Apples!
What happened?! Assignments got the better of me and ultimately led to the negligence of this blog. Nothing big, it’s not really important that I spill my concerns out and certainly there are some days that I don’t even want to remember. Thus, erasing them just equates to a would-be-banal blog post. This I shall avoid, saving your sighs for other more important things like car samans and screamy kids. Awesome.
Today is an exception. I finished Jhumpa Lahiri’s The Namesake. Then a three-page analysis of the book and a four-page explication paper on Dickinson’s and Szymborska’s poem will be completed before midnight. Productivity worth bragging rights? Believe it. If I could just take a pail of paint and go blotting on RyanA’s bland white wall with my hands, I would. Just to get away from non-productivity.
Then for the last fifteen minutes I have been staring at my birthmark. A darker shade of brown on my outer right calf. That little marking had once been subjected to quite an attention, people who can’t help noticing how “fair” my legs are compared to my arms, might not pass up the less-than-perfect isosceles triangle birthmark. Comments are modest, but I didn’t care about them. I mean I should show them the square on my right wrist instead. That should give them more things to talk about.
Then I thought about my mother. She has a huge dark birthmark covering half of her face and that didn’t shake her much to be upset over crude stares and often than not, snide remarks when she was a teenager. For heaven’s sake, she’s one heck of a person. Just that her kids don’t like the judgmental attitudes people place upon meeting her in person. Trust me, my brother nearly bashed up a boy for the uninvited jokes. It’s funny that her birthmark never bothered me one bit. In honesty, I'd be blunt to say that I would adamantly disagree should my mother ever suggest removing it. No, it’s a special thing, so it’ll stay. Frankly speaking, it’s all because of that isosceles triangle that I learn to relate to her. Segi tiga sama kaki is same leg triangle, if that makes sense to you.
I'll stop at here for now. Too many minutes had gone to this post. That reminds me, my researcher wants me to work on more videos next week.
Seven bucks please,
Vonnie S.
Today is an exception. I finished Jhumpa Lahiri’s The Namesake. Then a three-page analysis of the book and a four-page explication paper on Dickinson’s and Szymborska’s poem will be completed before midnight. Productivity worth bragging rights? Believe it. If I could just take a pail of paint and go blotting on RyanA’s bland white wall with my hands, I would. Just to get away from non-productivity.
Then for the last fifteen minutes I have been staring at my birthmark. A darker shade of brown on my outer right calf. That little marking had once been subjected to quite an attention, people who can’t help noticing how “fair” my legs are compared to my arms, might not pass up the less-than-perfect isosceles triangle birthmark. Comments are modest, but I didn’t care about them. I mean I should show them the square on my right wrist instead. That should give them more things to talk about.
Then I thought about my mother. She has a huge dark birthmark covering half of her face and that didn’t shake her much to be upset over crude stares and often than not, snide remarks when she was a teenager. For heaven’s sake, she’s one heck of a person. Just that her kids don’t like the judgmental attitudes people place upon meeting her in person. Trust me, my brother nearly bashed up a boy for the uninvited jokes. It’s funny that her birthmark never bothered me one bit. In honesty, I'd be blunt to say that I would adamantly disagree should my mother ever suggest removing it. No, it’s a special thing, so it’ll stay. Frankly speaking, it’s all because of that isosceles triangle that I learn to relate to her. Segi tiga sama kaki is same leg triangle, if that makes sense to you.
I'll stop at here for now. Too many minutes had gone to this post. That reminds me, my researcher wants me to work on more videos next week.
Seven bucks please,
Vonnie S.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Q: Don't just assume we're some charity house.
Spending three hours on Skype with mom was therapeutic. Gossiping with her heal every anxiety that threatened to send me to a corner crying. Not the one with the tears, but the action of contemplating to actually cry. I’m not for once a good actor, so I wouldn’t consider doing anything of that sort. It’s just too much of a hassle; once the banks break, I have to think of ways to irrigate it and then to patch the overflow. Ma fan.
Had an excellent serving of conversation sandwiches that followed after the maternal appetizer. PeiLi who was somehow always fascinated by my “quirky” facess and “oddball” stories, came knocking with a “yo!” That’s how you know whether it’s PeiLi you’re talking to. She begins a conversation with “yo”, casual yet a sign of familiarity, you know you’re her buddy. We had a little talk that led to multiple hashing of topics strewn out because of the bad internet line. Strangely I had not feel irritated at all from this, merely amused at how PeiLi giggled over the lack of articulation when it comes to my replies. I swear, there was maybe more “HAH?” than “And then?” in that particular conversation. Like most meals, if you savor the moment on the lighter mood, then you’d have a good meal.
KaraS. brought her roommate over today for dinner. Menu was fried dumpling, ayam masak merah, and fishball soup. We had a ball talking away, simply because the girls were very excited about the weather. To me, it was just like back home, every other day. And then I realized I got readings due tomorrow and I have yet to start on them. GG.
Now talking to EeLeng. She’s working on her stuff as I would mine if it wasn’t for YouTube and Facebook. The procrastinating devil is upon me once too many times. But it’s not going to haunt me tonight for sure. Unfortunately for you, I’m a psycho major.
Super windy day,
Vonnie S.
Had an excellent serving of conversation sandwiches that followed after the maternal appetizer. PeiLi who was somehow always fascinated by my “quirky” facess and “oddball” stories, came knocking with a “yo!” That’s how you know whether it’s PeiLi you’re talking to. She begins a conversation with “yo”, casual yet a sign of familiarity, you know you’re her buddy. We had a little talk that led to multiple hashing of topics strewn out because of the bad internet line. Strangely I had not feel irritated at all from this, merely amused at how PeiLi giggled over the lack of articulation when it comes to my replies. I swear, there was maybe more “HAH?” than “And then?” in that particular conversation. Like most meals, if you savor the moment on the lighter mood, then you’d have a good meal.
KaraS. brought her roommate over today for dinner. Menu was fried dumpling, ayam masak merah, and fishball soup. We had a ball talking away, simply because the girls were very excited about the weather. To me, it was just like back home, every other day. And then I realized I got readings due tomorrow and I have yet to start on them. GG.
Now talking to EeLeng. She’s working on her stuff as I would mine if it wasn’t for YouTube and Facebook. The procrastinating devil is upon me once too many times. But it’s not going to haunt me tonight for sure. Unfortunately for you, I’m a psycho major.
Super windy day,
Vonnie S.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Q: Horse tail whip you is like SM.
One heck of two weeks I must say. Had me panting up and down campus like an obedient slave, fighting against the Spring sun while braving against the Winter winds. No joke, I had little sleep and the exhaustion took a toll on my appetite and mood (been too quiet off late, people are starting to believe I jadi orang mute). Not the best thing once your instructor began asking if there's something bad going on in your life right now. GG.
Well, here's the deal. I'll put them all in list form for you to see. Save your lovely eyes the long paragraphs.
1) Went to FourWinds Casino for a buffet dinner. Costed like 30 bucks per adult ticket. But the food was awesome. You can imagine all-you-can-eat King crab. Now that's what we're talking about! I ordered an Arnold Palmer. Nice waitress made them chilly good. Kishaan failed to break his old record of four crabs. Stuffed turkey!
2) Was called back for research over the summer. Didn't intend to participate in any but the researcher I'm working with deemed that I was one of the better ones she has ever worked with. So I'm back in business baby! Glee~
3) Pissed at Sheta. Roommate is now officially an FFK Shan. Yes.
4) Finger got all better. It healed despite the petite scar. On the brighter note, no more plasters!
5) Made my Michigan ID and TIP (Temporary Driving Permit). Happy, but not quite because RyanA. didn't pass the writing exam. Had Lee's Chicken and then watched Battle LA and Paul.
6) Went with Nguyen to the Foreign Film Series. Was dying to watch The Namesake. Awesome movie. Found out that Ganguli is fun to say over and over again. The word rolls around the tongue like marbles.
7) Retrieved my Bak Kut Teh recipe at last. Dang wonderful to smell the aroma greeting the hungry attacks every night last week.
8) Had a scholarly conversation with a professor about Flannery O'Connor. Malu sikit for not reading all of her works. Extremely apologetic, but was told later by lecturer that I was "charming" and "entertaining". Complimento?
9) Knowing Zalikha got back to Malaysia safely is the best news of the month! Poor Japan though, may they recover and stand strong. Anime cannot pupus because of this.
10) Love my mom and dad for telling me that they are proud of me. That's why they are awesome. Teared up over their loving words. I'd die for them any day. I love you both so very much!
and many more,
Vonnie S.
Well, here's the deal. I'll put them all in list form for you to see. Save your lovely eyes the long paragraphs.
1) Went to FourWinds Casino for a buffet dinner. Costed like 30 bucks per adult ticket. But the food was awesome. You can imagine all-you-can-eat King crab. Now that's what we're talking about! I ordered an Arnold Palmer. Nice waitress made them chilly good. Kishaan failed to break his old record of four crabs. Stuffed turkey!
2) Was called back for research over the summer. Didn't intend to participate in any but the researcher I'm working with deemed that I was one of the better ones she has ever worked with. So I'm back in business baby! Glee~
3) Pissed at Sheta. Roommate is now officially an FFK Shan. Yes.
4) Finger got all better. It healed despite the petite scar. On the brighter note, no more plasters!
5) Made my Michigan ID and TIP (Temporary Driving Permit). Happy, but not quite because RyanA. didn't pass the writing exam. Had Lee's Chicken and then watched Battle LA and Paul.
6) Went with Nguyen to the Foreign Film Series. Was dying to watch The Namesake. Awesome movie. Found out that Ganguli is fun to say over and over again. The word rolls around the tongue like marbles.
7) Retrieved my Bak Kut Teh recipe at last. Dang wonderful to smell the aroma greeting the hungry attacks every night last week.
8) Had a scholarly conversation with a professor about Flannery O'Connor. Malu sikit for not reading all of her works. Extremely apologetic, but was told later by lecturer that I was "charming" and "entertaining". Complimento?
9) Knowing Zalikha got back to Malaysia safely is the best news of the month! Poor Japan though, may they recover and stand strong. Anime cannot pupus because of this.
10) Love my mom and dad for telling me that they are proud of me. That's why they are awesome. Teared up over their loving words. I'd die for them any day. I love you both so very much!
and many more,
Vonnie S.
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