Q: When Myrtle died...

These nights had me waking up feeling numb as though my lungs was collapsing and my pillow was soaked for some reason. Messed up, this time of the year is like so. In small gasps, I found myself barely able to control the pulsating heart and the anger...it pisses me off greatly that I just stood there not being able to do anything. My frustrated self wasn't able to cope well with it even after many Octobers and instead of telling myself that it ain't my fault, I can only hear myself going "Shit shit shit shit..." The playback button isn't so fun anymore.

...he's forgotten.
vonnie s.

E: RIP Steve Jobs

Today, I came across a picture on Facebook that my friend had taken in school; it was for her best friend's birthday. I do not know this girl, but just from that one picture, you can feel the love she must have had for that day. The friends, the smiles, and more importantly the presents. Disclaimer: This post is not meant to be arguing for materialistic value. Trust me, you'll get it in a sec.

So, people are always wondering "what do I get for him?" or "I don't know what she likes", that's a dilemma when you don't know that person well enough to be making even a mere educated guess. Birthday presents are a pain, especially for the sender, hard choices to make and one worries that it might offend the birthday kid. Seriously, a gift should come from the heart, no matter what. It must serve a purpose, given thorough thought, and believe that in some impossible manner, it is made for him or her. It's all about making dreams come true.

I too struggled with this one too many time, it's always a hit or miss and even as a child, I use to think the bigger the better, or the pricier it is the better. It begs the question of value, if you give me an iPad, oh yea sure, any reasonable person would be happy at that thought, BUT is it necessarily the only thing that could potentially make it the ultimate present? At one point in life, I could afford an iPad of my own, so that no longer tugs at my heart as say...a handmade birthday card? Cheap materials, check; but what makes it expensive is the fact that this gift is Priceless, one of a kind tailor made with the recipient in mind.

Okay, I suck at handcrafting stuffs, must I really force it? No. There are more ways to bend around the rules of defining 'special'. Recall that I do mention the word "purpose" and "given thought". She always wanted a penguin plush toy, and you have that cash in your pocket, search for it. He always wanted that Risk board game so badly that he would stop by Toy 'r Us every time just to look at it. That ought to have shed some light on a rather cloudy day.

Right, so the only thing birthday kid wants is the dang iPad. Getting it doesn't mean you're being materialistic and you are feeding materialism. Say, you did save your lunch money to cash in for the iPad, you sacrifice not buying that new arrival dress, or you simply quit shopping for two whole months! Commendable efforts count, because you are "making dreams come true" by doing this. There you go magician, have a spin round the thinking hat and when you do actually pull out a rabbit, you're in it to win it.

Back to my friend, she and her friends made the birthday girl a doll house out of pop sickle sticks, baked cupcake cake, handmade pop-up card, and a plush doll. She said, "If I could turn all of you into dolls to keep you all with me forever I would." And that makes a whole lot of difference.

Keep fishing,
Vonnie S.

Q: LOL is Lad On Lad, when guys say it; Lady On Lady, when girls say it.

Studying for the Critical Reasoning exam later at 4pm. I’ve been in this class for a month now, and it taught me to salute those who are majoring in Philosophy. Seriously. I don’t know how you people can manage this but I am certainly hitting the rough edges. These p’s and q’s, logical explanations, deductions and inductions are just so out of reach (literally alien language); I wish I can bundle them up and watch them burst into flames. GG.

Let’s pray LaurenB. doesn’t find me in this computer lab.

No True Scotsman,
Vonnie S.

Q: Hey look! Even the leaves are falling for you.

"Let's spar. Be serious with me for once."

Back then, the idea of kick boxing ktsiong was absurd; on second thought, I would say that walking home to mummy with a black eye and some bruises could have easily gotten me a one-way-ticket to the "talk room". So, I gave a light punch on his shoulders, and told him that I wasn't going to because he would beat the crap outta me anyway. Discovery Channel showed me that it delivers massive pain and I am not ready for it. ktsiong gave me one of those look a puppy would give you when you take away his toy; I don't mean the cute face, it was that disappointment that egged me on. I let out a long sigh, as though by doing that, I could garner some courage after all.

"Fine. Just don't turn me into a panda okay?"

Three years ago, the back of my right thigh had a bruise so dark you'd think I need a surgeon to remove that "blood clot". That same year, I had to limp across campus for a couple of days. The sting was horribly annoying, counting the fact that losing to ktsiong probably felt suckier than getting into a car accident. At least I know how to drive - to take control - of the vehicle, but muay thai had me in the room, vulnerable and exposed. The initial punches were gingerly dodged or blocked, it was the sneaky side kick that pulled me to the ground like gravity. There, I yelled "Time Out!" Just a red patch. I kept going.

See, he's a sweetheart to leave me with such a big hickey. But he was giving me an experience I probably would never have with any other people. Five years ago, on that same day, my good friend passed away. She haunts me even today - the week after my birthday is the worst - for I'll be in the most crappy mode. Let's put it this way, I'll literally let my loved ones get the brunt of it, not on purpose, it just happens. That year with ktsiong, she never came visiting.

Dolphin Tales,

Vonnie S.

Q: It's Lee Harvey Oswald, you dork!

To sum it nicely in words,

Saturday = Outlet shopping and Four Winds Casino buffet.
Sunday = Birthday bash at The Musketeers'.

Four birthday cakes this year, that's certainly a record breaker! Goodness, what did I do to deserve this treatment? Thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you. Sweet, I won Dicescapades with my eyes closed. Just pure awesomeness!

Don't push it child,

Vonnie S.

E: Happy Birthday to Me!

Man, it's already 22 years? Time really flies, and when I say it flies, our bird has spread its wings because it doesn't crawl like it used to. I was trying to keep up with the years, taking it slow but I believe with the coming of every Sept 21, it's an incessant reminder that I have one less year on earth. While it may sound severely depressing, I assure you it's rather on the contrary. (I kid you not!) In fact, I'm content, frequently looking on the brighter side of this situation. Look, if age didn't go countdown style, would I have appreciated the people around me more often than I already not? Would I have not at least, try to enjoy every second like it's my last? No cliche intended.

I digress. You're probably not here to listen to emo stuff, but of course, it's all shooo last year. Sure, that's why I will be sharing something else for 2011. This particular thought is dear to me, private mushy stuff, you get the drill, so kindly bear with the birthday girl. :) Every year, my birthday candles are blown after I made a wish. And every year until I was seventeen, I always wanted something and strangely (whether it's believable or not) I - like every child you know - would reserve this wish for a birthday or Christmas. You get only one shot at what you want. Daddy always reminded me to "be careful with what [I] wish for".

However, at eighteen, I had lost the ability to want, and I still remember quite clearly on one 19th, how I pondered about it. This inability troubled me so much that I had refused sleep. It surprised my teenage self how dauntingly haunting this can be, so much so that by the end of the ordeal, I figured I may as well hope for world peace. After all, my wishes did came true 90% of the time. (The ten percent being having wished hard for a horse...that's physically impossible.)

Then on the eve, I received a call from good ol' MelC. Our dear friend called to wish me in advance, and as usual, I get a slice of her daily troubles plaguing her cheerful self. It was but spontaneous, I made a wish that year, my wish for MelC's happiness. Then it got real, for every birthday cake I blow out, I'd wish for someone in my life. And as though it's coincidentally so, the years after that had me blowing away candles on two cakes at a time. I swear on my horse plush collection, it's true. Today was no different.

I had a surprise from my Kzoo friends. Yes, I was honestly surprised by their presence, but I knew something was coming, judging by RyanA's weird antics. Haha^^ But it's commendable tho, how they all took their time to celebrate it for me. As always, I am forever deeply indebted to these kind souls. Lo and behold, two cakes (made by TraceyT. and CatherineK.) showed up. If that wasn't a coincidence enough, I don't know what gives, man. I smiled, already knowing who I had in mind for this year. Let's just say, one is for a big brother I never had (wishing so that RyanA. may be emo-less) and the other for my SaiYi (hoping so, she will be strong enough to finish Master's).

Someone told me once upon a time that, "only a life lived for others is worth living", no?

22, you have yet to disappoint me.

Vonnie S.

Q: My Very Precious Friend

This is overwhelming. Like those bubbles trying to break surface, I am but the thin layer of water resisting them, refusing to allow deterioration to what it already is. Then to put on a weak fight, I believe I was losing it, nevertheless taking it as though it naturally ought to happen. To watch others made the kill, I stood there still panting as the deer pranced further away into the thick woods. I gripped harder, and let the rain wash all there is left of the animal's trace. With each teardrops sinking into the earth, hardly forgivable for even hope seems to diminish at every second of my existence. Not being able to comprehend this ephemeral moment, I laughed. Laughed hard like there was no one around to watch me, laughed long like the continual rain outside, laughed significantly enough to make me forget what's damaged and in the end, I recreate those bubbles again. My Coke, still gassy from lunch, is sugary as ever.

Quite the melancholy,

Vonnie S.